PAKET UMROH BULAN FEBRUARI MARET APRIL MEI 2018




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Saco-Indonesia.com - Anak kecil bukan orang dewasa berukuran mini. Dengan kepribadian dan dunia yang khas, orangtua harus memasuki dunia anak-anak untuk memahami dan mengenal siapa diri mereka. Dengan memasuki dunia anak, para orangtua akan lebih mengetahui dan menghargai berbagai kelebihan serta kekurangan anak.

Menurut psikologTika Bisono, orang tua perlu memahami dan mengenal dunia anak mereka untuk mengembangkan pola asuh yang demokratis.

"Nantinya pola asuh akan lebih demokratis. Tidak ada pemaksaan antar anak dan orangtua," kata psikolog Tika Bisono, Sabtu (27/4/2013) di Jakarta.

Pola asuh demokratis memungkinkan orangtua dan anak saling menyesuaikan diri dengan berbagai keadaan dirinya. Pola asuh demokratis, papar Tika, memprioritaskan kepentingan anak, tetapi tidak ragu dalam mengendalikan mereka.

Orang tua seperti ini bersikap rasional dan selalu mendasari tindakannya pada pemikiran. Orang tua tipe ini juga bersikap realistis terhadap kemampuan anak. Mereka tidak berharap lebih pada kemampuan yang dimiliki anak. Orang tua demokratis  juga memberikan kebebasan kepada anak untuk memilih. Mereka juga membebaskan anak dalam memutuskan suatu tindakan. Apabila hendak menasehati, orangtua demokratis selalu melakukannya dengan pendekatan yang hangat.

Pola asuh demokratis cocok diterapkan pada usia 6-12 tahun. Pada tahap ini anak mulai mampu memilih apa yang diminati. Anak juga tertarik pada hal baru, dan cenderung bosan pada sesuatu yang monoton. Yang lebih penting, menurut Tika, anak mulai faham hal yang bersifat konseptual seperti hak dan kewajiban.

"Demokratis mengharuskan orangtua memberi alasan logis pada tiap aturan yang diberikan, jadi tidak asal suruh. Pola asuh demokratis memungkinkan anak bebas tapi tetap bisa bertanggungjawab," kata Tika.

Dengan kebebasan yang ada, pola asuh demokratis memungkinkan anak dan orangtua berekspresi terkait keadaan di sekelilingnya. Sehingga, orangtua harus memperhatikan dengan tepat kapan ekspresi dan mood anak berubah. Perubahan mood akan menentukan cara berkomunikasi antar orangtua dan anak, sehingga menjadi lebih efektif.

 

Editor :Liwon Maulana
Sumber:http://health.kompas.com/read/2013/04/29/15433449/Pentingnya.Pola.Asuh.Demokratis.p ada.Anak
Pentingnya Cara Asuh Demokratis pada Anak

Sewa mobil di Cirebon murah. Murah bukan berarti miskin kualitas. Murah juga merupakan upaya dari pihak penyedia layanan untuk dapat memberikan tarif layanan yang diinginkan dan banyak dibutuhkan oleh konsumen. Demikian juga dengan layanan jasa sewa mobil di Cirebon. Anda juga bisa menemukan banyak layanan jasa sewa mobil murah yang tak kalah berkualitasnya dengan mobil-mobil yang mahal. Jika ada yang murah dan berkualitas, mengapa harus pilih yang mahal?

Tak semua orang saat bepergian telah memiliki anggaran yang besar. Sebagian orang telah memilih bepergian secara kolektif dengan tujuan untuk dapat menghemat anggaran. Salah satu anggaran yang cukup besar dikeluarkan selama dalam perjalanan adalah soal transportasi. Oleh karena itu, jika Anda akan bepergian ke Kota Cirebon secara bersama, sewa mobil di Cirebon dengan harga yang murah merupakan solusi perjalanan yang menyenangkan dan tentunya banyak dicari orang.

Banyak juga orang yang tak mempermasalahkan suasana kendaraan selama perjalanan karena faktor pendanaan yang terbatas. Namun sebenarnya kondisi dana yang terbatas tak menjadi alasan untuk Anda tidak bisa nyaman dalam perjalanan. Ada banyak tawaran sewa mobil di Cirebon yang bisa Anda dapatkan dengan harga yang murah meriah dan tetap nyaman berkualitas.

Sewa mobil di Cirebon ada banyak jenis armadanya, mulai dari armada avanza, elf, xenia dan lain sebagainya, hingga jenis-jenis mobil elit ditawarkan untuk mereka yang memiliki banyak anggaran dalam perjalanan. Sewa mobil di Cirebon akan membuat perjalanan Anda menjadi lebih berkesan di Kota Cirebon. Berbagai objek wisata sejarah, mengunjungi pusat kerajinan batik, mencicipi aneka rasa kuliner yang sulit dilupakan, berbelanja aneka jenis batik berkualitas dan oleh-oleh Kota Cirebon lainnya.

Sewa mobil di Cirebon sekarang juga, dan nikmati perjalanan berkesan bersama orang-orang tercinta. Sesekali untuk bisa menikmati suasana liburan yang lebih berkesan, ada baiknya Anda memilih sewa mobil di Cirebon ketimbang harus membawa mobil sendiri dan letih meyetir sendiri. Tujuan dari liburan adalah rileks dan santai, dengan memilih sewa mobil maka hal itu bisa Anda wujudkan.

 

SEWA MOBIL CIREBON

saco-indonesia.com, Ada kabar gembira bagi pengguna BlackBerry Messenger di smartphone ataupun tablet Android. Hal ini telah menyusul kabar jika fitur telepon gratis di BBM untuk Android akan segera meluncur Februari mendatang.

Seperti yang telah dilansir Softpedia (25/1) lalu , fitur telepon gratis yang akan hadir dengan nama BBM Voice ini juga akan hadir di BBM untuk Android dibarengi fitur lain yang bernama BBM Channel yang telah membuat pengguna bisa berkumpul dengan pengguna lain dalam satu grup dengan minat yang sama.

Kedatangan fitur BBM Voice dan BBM Channel di bulan Februari ini juga sudah dikonfirmasi oleh Krishnadeep Baruah, Direktur Senior Pemasaran BlackBerry di kawasan Asia Pasifik.

Baruah telah menyebutkan jika kedua fitur baru akan hadir di BBM untuk Android dalam bentuk update terbaru dan akan meluncur ke Google Play Store dalam beberapa pekan mendatang. Sayangnya masih belum dapat diketahui tanggal pasti kapan kedua fitur ini akan meluncur ke Google Play Store.

BBM Voice dan BBM Channel sendiri sudah terlebih dahulu meluncur ke smartphone BlackBerry 10 pada akhir 2013 lalu.


Editor : Dian Sukmawati

BBM UNTUK ANDROID BERIKAN FITUR TELEPON GRATIS

Salah satu amal istimewa di bulan puasa adalah umrah di bulan Ramadhan. Keutamaannya menyerupai ibadah haji. Diriwayatkan dalam Shahihain, dari Ibnu Abbas Radhiyallahu ‘Anhuma, Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam bersabda kepada seorang wanita Anshar, “Apa yang menghalangimu untuk ikut berhaji bersama kami?” Ia menjawab, “Kami tidak memiliki kendaraan kecuali dua ekor unta yang dipakai untuk mengairi tanaman. Bapak dan anaknya berangkat haji dengan satu ekor unta dan meninggalkan satu ekor lagi untuk kami yang digunakan untuk mengairi tanaman.” Nabi Shallallahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam bersabda,

فَإِذَا جَاءَ رَمَضَانُ فَاعْتَمِرِي ، فَإِنَّ عُمْرَةً فِيهِ تَعْدِلُ حَجّ

“Maka apabila datang Ramadhan, berumrahlah. Karena sesungguhnya umrah di dalamnya menyamai ibadah haji.” Dalam riwayat lain, “Seperti haji bersamaku.” Lalu apa maksud dari hadits di atas?

Para ulama berbeda pendapat tentang orang yang akan mendapatkan keutamaan yang tersebut dalam hadits. Paling tidak ada tiga pendapat utama: Pertama, hadits ini khusus untuk wanita yang diajak bicara oleh Nabi Shallallahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam. Di antara ulama yang berpendapat dengannya adalah Sa’id bin Jubair dari kalangan Tabi’in. (lihat fathul Baari, Ibnul Hajar: 3/609)

Sandaran pendapat ini adalah hadits Ummu Ma’qil, beliau berkata: “Haji adalah haji dan umrah adalah umrah. Sungguh Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam telah mengatakan hal ini kepada-ku; aku tidak tahu apakah itu khusus untuk-ku, -yakni: ataukah untuk manusia secara umum-.” (Diriwayatkan oleh Abu Dawud, no. 1989, hanya saja lafadz hadits ini lemah. Dilemahkan oleh Syaikh Al-Albani dalam Dhaif Abi Dawud)

Pendapat kedua, Keutamaan umrah ini bagi orang yang berniat haji lalu tidak mampu mengerjakannya. Kemudian ia menggantinya dengan umrah di Ramadhan. Sehingga ia mendapat pahala haji secara sempurna bersama Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam karena terkumpul dalam dirinya niat haji dalam pelaksanaan umrah.

Ibnu Rajab dalam Lathaif al-Ma’arif berkata: Dan ketahuilah, orang yang tak mampu dari satu amal kebaikan dan bersedih serta berangan-angan bisa mengerjakannya maka ia mendapat pahala bersama dengan orang yang mengerjakannya. –lalu beliau menyebutkan contoh-contohnya, di antaranya-  beberapa wanita tidak bisa berhaji bersama Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam. Maka saat beliau kembali, para wanita bertanya tentang sesuatu yang bisa mencukupkannya (menyamai) dari haji tersebut. Beliau bersabda: ‘Berumrahlah di Ramadhan. Karena sesungguhnya umrah di Ramadhan  menyamai ibadah haji atau haji bersamaku’.” Selesai. Ibnu Katsir dalam Tafsirnya juga menyimpulkan yang sama (I/531)

Pendapat ketiga, Pendapat madhab empat dan selainnya, bahwa keutamaan dalam hadits ini bersifat umum bagi setiap orang yang berumrah di bulan Ramadhan. Umrah di dalamnya menyamai haji berlaku bagi semua orang. Tidak khusus hanya untuk person-person atau karena kondisi tertentu. Hal ini seperti yang disebutkan dalam kitab Radd ak-Mukhtar (II/473), Mawahib al-Jalil (III/29), al-Majmu’ (VII/138), al-Mughni (III/91), dan al-Mausu’ah al-Fiqhiyah (II/144)

Pendapat yang paling mendekati kebenaran adalah pendapat ketiga. Bahwa keutamaan tersebut berlaku bagi siapa saja yang berumrah di bulan Ramadhan. Hal ini didukung oleh beberapa alasan berikut ini:

    Hadits tersebut bersumber diriwayatkan dari sejumlah sahabat. Al-Tirmidzi berkata: “Dalam bab ini bersumber  Ibnu Abbas, Jabir, Abu Hurairah, Anas, Wahb bin Khanbasy.” Dan mayoritas riwayat mereka tidak disebutkan kisah wanita penanya.
    Praktek kaum muslimin sepanjang masa dari kalangan sahabat, tabi’in, para ulama dan shalihin. Mereka sangat semangat melaksanakan umrah di bulan Ramadhan untuk mendapatkan pahala ini.

Penghususan keutamaan ini untuk mereka yang tidak mampu melaksanakan haji pada tahun tersebut terbantahkan dengan jawaban berikut ini: Sesungguhnya orang yang benar niat dan semangatnya lalu mengusahakan sebab-sebabnya yang kemudian ada sesuatu yang menghalanginya, maka Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala akan mencatat untuknya pahala amal melalui keutamaan niat. Maka bagaimana Nabi Shallallahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam mengikat pahala dengan amal tambahan, yakni mengerjakan umrah di Ramadhan. Padahal niat yang jujur dan benar sudah cukup untuk diberikan pahala.

Makna Umrah di Ramadhan menyamai Haji

Keutamaan umrah di Ramadhan yang menyamai haji memiliki beberapa makna: Pertama, tidak diragukan lagi bahwa umrah di Ramadhan tidak mencukupkan seseorang dari kewajiban haji. Maknanya, siapa yang sudah umrah di Ramadhan tidak lantas ia terbebas dari kewajiban mengerjakan haji yang wajib.

Maksud dari hadits adalah penyamaan pahala, bukan penyamaan dalam pelaksanaan perintah. Jadi, samanya di sini adalah kadar pahala antara umrah di Ramadhan dan pahala haji. Bukan dari jenis dan bentuknya. Dan tidak diragukan lagi bahwa haji lebih utama daripada  umrah ditinjau dari jenis amal.

Maka siapa yang sudah umrah di Ramadhan maka ia mendapatkan pahala sebanyak pahala haji. Hanya saja dalam pelaksanaan ibadah haji terdapat keutamaan, keistimewaan, dan kedudukan yang tidak didapatkan dalam umrah. Seperti doa di Arafah, melempar jumrah, menyembelih hewan kurban, dan selainnya. Walaupun keduanya sama dalam kadar banyaknya pahala, namuan keduanya tidak sama dalam pelaksanaan dan jenis ibadah. Ini seperti keterangan Ibnu Taimiyah saat beliau menjelaskan hadits yang menyebutkan bahwa surat Al-Ikhlash menyamai sepertiga Al-Qur’an.

Ibnu Rahawaih berkata, makna hadits ini, -yakni hadits: “Umrah di Ramadhan menyamai haji.”- seperti yang diriwayatkan dari Nabi Shallallahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam bahwa beliau bersabda: “Siapa yang membaca Qul Huwallahu Ahad maka sungguh ia telah membaca sepertiga Al-Qur’an.” (HR. al-Tirmidzi)

Ibnu Taimiyah dalam Majmu Fatawanya berkata, “Telah maklum abhwa maksudnya: umrahmu di Ramadhan menyamai haji bersamaku (Nabi Shallallahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam). Karena sungguh ia berkeinginan untuk berhaji bersamanya. Lalu ia terhalang melakukannya. Lalu beliau memberitahukan kepadanya tentang sesuatu yang menyamai kedudukannya. Ini juga berlaku bagi sahabat lain yang kondisinya sama dengannya. Orang berakal tak akan mengatakan seperti yang dipahami orang-orang jahil, bahwa umrah salah seorang kita dari miqat atau dari Makkah menyamai haji bersamanya Shallallahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam. Sungguh sangat maklum, haji yang sempurna lebih utama daripada umrah di Ramadhan. Kalau salah seorang kita mengerjakan haji wajib maka tak akan seperti berhaji bersama beliau. Maka bagaimana dengan umrah!! Maka inti dari hadits, umrah salah seorang kita dari miqat  di bulan Ramadhan seperti kedudukan haji.”

Wallahu Ta’ala A’lam.

Sumber : http://ibadahhaji.wordpress.com

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UMRAH RAMADHAN MENYERUPAI HAJI

saco-indonesia.com, Seorang anak di bawah umur telah ditangkap oleh anggota Polsek Pademangan saat mau merampok pengunjung Ancol di Jalan Budimulia RT12/12, Pademangan Barat, Jakarta Utara, Kamis (2/12) sore. Dari tangan, So yang berusia 16 tahun petugas telah berhasil menyita sebilah pisau yang digunakan untuk menodong korbannya.

Kanit Reskrim Polsek Pademangan, Iptu Suseno Adi juga mengatakan, aksi percobaan perampokan itu telah terjadi, sekitar pukul: 17.00 sore. Sarmin yang berusia 25 tahun , saat itu ingin pulang ke rumahnya di warga Jl. Mangga dua VIII No.35 Rt.13/05 Ancol, Pademangan usai bermain di Ancol.

Saat melintas jalan kaki, dari belakang So telah menarik baju korban sambil menodongkan sajam ke tubuhnya.Rupanya, So juga sudah membuntuti korban sejak dari dalam Ancol.

Tersangka telah minta korban untuk menyerahkan tas selempang dan dompetnya. Namun sial, bukannya menuruti ancaman tersangka, Sarmin malah melawan. Terjadilah perkelahian antara korban dan So.

Perkelahian itu telah dilihat oleh warga sekitar Rudi yang berusia 18 tahun. Dia telah membantu korban untuk melumpuhkan So dan ditangkap warga lalu dikeroyok.

Dari tangan tersangka asal Banten itu, petugas telah menyita 1 tas slempang warna coklat dan sebilah pisau. Akibat dari perbuatannya, tersangka telah dijerat dengan pasal 53 jo Pasal 365 KUHP tentang percobaan perampokan dengan hukuman di atas 5 tahun penjara.


Editor : Dian Sukmawati

REMAJA TODONG PENGUNJUNG ANCOL

As he reflected on the festering wounds deepened by race and grievance that have been on painful display in America’s cities lately, President Obama on Monday found himself thinking about a young man he had just met named Malachi.

A few minutes before, in a closed-door round-table discussion at Lehman College in the Bronx, Mr. Obama had asked a group of black and Hispanic students from disadvantaged backgrounds what could be done to help them reach their goals. Several talked about counseling and guidance programs.

“Malachi, he just talked about — we should talk about love,” Mr. Obama told a crowd afterward, drifting away from his prepared remarks. “Because Malachi and I shared the fact that our dad wasn’t around and that sometimes we wondered why he wasn’t around and what had happened. But really, that’s what this comes down to is: Do we love these kids?”

Many presidents have governed during times of racial tension, but Mr. Obama is the first to see in the mirror a face that looks like those on the other side of history’s ledger. While his first term was consumed with the economy, war and health care, his second keeps coming back to the societal divide that was not bridged by his election. A president who eschewed focusing on race now seems to have found his voice again as he thinks about how to use his remaining time in office and beyond.

Continue reading the main story Video
Play Video|1:17

Obama Speaks of a ‘Sense of Unfairness’

Obama Speaks of a ‘Sense of Unfairness’

At an event announcing the creation of a nonprofit focusing on young minority men, President Obama talked about the underlying reasons for recent protests in Baltimore and other cities.

By Associated Press on Publish Date May 4, 2015. Photo by Stephen Crowley/The New York Times.

In the aftermath of racially charged unrest in places like Baltimore, Ferguson, Mo., and New York, Mr. Obama came to the Bronx on Monday for the announcement of a new nonprofit organization that is being spun off from his White House initiative called My Brother’s Keeper. Staked by more than $80 million in commitments from corporations and other donors, the new group, My Brother’s Keeper Alliance, will in effect provide the nucleus for Mr. Obama’s post-presidency, which will begin in January 2017.

“This will remain a mission for me and for Michelle not just for the rest of my presidency but for the rest of my life,” Mr. Obama said. “And the reason is simple,” he added. Referring to some of the youths he had just met, he said: “We see ourselves in these young men. I grew up without a dad. I grew up lost sometimes and adrift, not having a sense of a clear path. The only difference between me and a lot of other young men in this neighborhood and all across the country is that I grew up in an environment that was a little more forgiving.”

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Organizers said the new alliance already had financial pledges from companies like American Express, Deloitte, Discovery Communications and News Corporation. The money will be used to help companies address obstacles facing young black and Hispanic men, provide grants to programs for disadvantaged youths, and help communities aid their populations.

Joe Echevarria, a former chief executive of Deloitte, the accounting and consulting firm, will lead the alliance, and among those on its leadership team or advisory group are executives at PepsiCo, News Corporation, Sprint, BET and Prudential Group Insurance; former Secretary of State Colin L. Powell; Senator Cory Booker, Democrat of New Jersey; former Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr.; the music star John Legend; the retired athletes Alonzo Mourning, Jerome Bettis and Shaquille O’Neal; and the mayors of Indianapolis, Sacramento and Philadelphia.

The alliance, while nominally independent of the White House, may face some of the same questions confronting former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton as she begins another presidential campaign. Some of those donating to the alliance may have interests in government action, and skeptics may wonder whether they are trying to curry favor with the president by contributing.

“The Obama administration will have no role in deciding how donations are screened and what criteria they’ll set at the alliance for donor policies, because it’s an entirely separate entity,” Josh Earnest, the White House press secretary, told reporters on Air Force One en route to New York. But he added, “I’m confident that the members of the board are well aware of the president’s commitment to transparency.”

The alliance was in the works before the disturbances last week after the death of Freddie Gray, the black man who suffered fatal injuries while in police custody in Baltimore, but it reflected the evolution of Mr. Obama’s presidency. For him, in a way, it is coming back to issues that animated him as a young community organizer and politician. It was his own struggle with race and identity, captured in his youthful memoir, “Dreams From My Father,” that stood him apart from other presidential aspirants.

But that was a side of him that he kept largely to himself through the first years of his presidency while he focused on other priorities like turning the economy around, expanding government-subsidized health care and avoiding electoral land mines en route to re-election.

After securing a second term, Mr. Obama appeared more emboldened. Just a month after his 2013 inauguration, he talked passionately about opportunity and race with a group of teenage boys in Chicago, a moment aides point to as perhaps the first time he had spoken about these issues in such a personal, powerful way as president. A few months later, he publicly lamented the death of Trayvon Martin, a black Florida teenager, saying that “could have been me 35 years ago.”

Photo
 
President Obama on Monday with Darinel Montero, a student at Bronx International High School who introduced him before remarks at Lehman College in the Bronx. Credit Stephen Crowley/The New York Times

That case, along with public ruptures of anger over police shootings in Ferguson and elsewhere, have pushed the issue of race and law enforcement onto the public agenda. Aides said they imagined that with his presidency in its final stages, Mr. Obama might be thinking more about what comes next and causes he can advance as a private citizen.

That is not to say that his public discussion of these issues has been universally welcomed. Some conservatives said he had made matters worse by seeming in their view to blame police officers in some of the disputed cases.

“President Obama, when he was elected, could have been a unifying leader,” Senator Ted Cruz of Texas, a Republican candidate for president, said at a forum last week. “He has made decisions that I think have inflamed racial tensions.”

On the other side of the ideological spectrum, some liberal African-American activists have complained that Mr. Obama has not done enough to help downtrodden communities. While he is speaking out more, these critics argue, he has hardly used the power of the presidency to make the sort of radical change they say is necessary.

The line Mr. Obama has tried to straddle has been a serrated one. He condemns police brutality as he defends most officers as honorable. He condemns “criminals and thugs” who looted in Baltimore while expressing empathy with those trapped in a cycle of poverty and hopelessness.

In the Bronx on Monday, Mr. Obama bemoaned the death of Brian Moore, a plainclothes New York police officer who had died earlier in the day after being shot in the head Saturday on a Queens street. Most police officers are “good and honest and fair and care deeply about their communities,” even as they put their lives on the line, Mr. Obama said.

“Which is why in addressing the issues in Baltimore or Ferguson or New York, the point I made was that if we’re just looking at policing, we’re looking at it too narrowly,” he added. “If we ask the police to simply contain and control problems that we ourselves have been unwilling to invest and solve, that’s not fair to the communities, it’s not fair to the police.”

Moreover, if society writes off some people, he said, “that’s not the kind of country I want to live in; that’s not what America is about.”

His message to young men like Malachi Hernandez, who attends Boston Latin Academy in Massachusetts, is not to give up.

“I want you to know you matter,” he said. “You matter to us.”

Obama Finds a Bolder Voice on Race Issues

From sea to shining sea, or at least from one side of the Hudson to the other, politicians you have barely heard of are being accused of wrongdoing. There were so many court proceedings involving public officials on Monday that it was hard to keep up.

In Newark, two underlings of Gov. Chris Christie were arraigned on charges that they were in on the truly deranged plot to block traffic leading onto the George Washington Bridge.

Ten miles away, in Lower Manhattan, Dean G. Skelos, the leader of the New York State Senate, and his son, Adam B. Skelos, were arrested by the Federal Bureau of Investigation on accusations of far more conventional political larceny, involving a job with a sewer company for the son and commissions on title insurance and bond work.

The younger man managed to receive a 150 percent pay increase from the sewer company even though, as he said on tape, he “literally knew nothing about water or, you know, any of that stuff,” according to a criminal complaint the United States attorney’s office filed.

The success of Adam Skelos, 32, was attributed by prosecutors to his father’s influence as the leader of the Senate and as a potentate among state Republicans. The indictment can also be read as one of those unfailingly sad tales of a father who cannot stop indulging a grown son. The senator himself is not alleged to have profited from the schemes, except by being relieved of the burden of underwriting Adam.

The bridge traffic caper is its own species of crazy; what distinguishes the charges against the two Skeloses is the apparent absence of a survival instinct. It is one thing not to know anything about water or that stuff. More remarkable, if true, is the fact that the sewer machinations continued even after the former New York Assembly speaker, Sheldon Silver, was charged in January with taking bribes disguised as fees.

It was by then common gossip in political and news media circles that Senator Skelos, a Republican, the counterpart in the Senate to Mr. Silver, a Democrat, in the Assembly, could be next in line for the criminal dock. “Stay tuned,” the United States attorney, Preet Bharara said, leaving not much to the imagination.

Even though the cat had been unmistakably belled, Skelos father and son continued to talk about how to advance the interests of the sewer company, though the son did begin to use a burner cellphone, the kind people pay for in cash, with no traceable contracts.

That was indeed prudent, as prosecutors had been wiretapping the cellphones of both men. But it would seem that the burner was of limited value, because by then the prosecutors had managed to secure the help of a business executive who agreed to record calls with the Skeloses. It would further seem that the business executive was more attentive to the perils of pending investigations than the politician.

Through the end of the New York State budget negotiations in March, the hopes of the younger Skelos rested on his father’s ability to devise legislation that would benefit the sewer company. That did not pan out. But Senator Skelos did boast that he had haggled with Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo, a Democrat, in a successful effort to raise a $150 million allocation for Long Island to $550 million, for what the budget called “transformative economic development projects.” It included money for the kind of work done by the sewer company.

The lawyer for Adam Skelos said he was not guilty and would win in court. Senator Skelos issued a ringing declaration that he was unequivocally innocent.

THIS was also the approach taken in New Jersey by Bill Baroni, a man of great presence and eloquence who stopped outside the federal courthouse to note that he had taken risks as a Republican by bucking his party to support paid family leave, medical marijuana and marriage equality. “I would never risk my career, my job, my reputation for something like this,” Mr. Baroni said. “I am an innocent man.”

The lawyer for his co-defendant, Bridget Anne Kelly, the former deputy chief of staff to Mr. Christie, a Republican, said that she would strongly rebut the charges.

Perhaps they had nothing to do with the lane closings. But neither Mr. Baroni nor Ms. Kelly addressed the question of why they did not return repeated calls from the mayor of Fort Lee, N.J., begging them to stop the traffic tie-ups, over three days.

That silence was a low moment. But perhaps New York hit bottom faster. Senator Skelos, the prosecutors charged, arranged to meet Long Island politicians at the wake of Wenjian Liu, a New York City police officer shot dead in December, to press for payments to the company employing his son.

Sometimes it seems as though for some people, the only thing to be ashamed of is shame itself.

Finding Scandal in New York and New Jersey, but No Shame

Ms. Pryor, who served more than two decades in the State Department, was the author of well-regarded biographies of the founder of the American Red Cross and the Confederate commander.

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A 214-pound Queens housewife struggled with a lifelong addiction to food until she shed 72 pounds and became the public face of the worldwide weight-control empire Weight Watchers.

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Mr. Miller, of the firm Weil, Gotshal & Manges, represented companies including Lehman Brothers, General Motors and American Airlines, and mentored many of the top Chapter 11 practitioners today.

Harvey R. Miller, Renowned Bankruptcy Lawyer, Dies at 82

Mr. Paczynski was one of the concentration camp’s longest surviving inmates and served as the personal barber to its Nazi commandant Rudolf Höss.

Jozef Paczynski, Inmate Barber to Auschwitz Commandant, Dies at 95

“It was really nice to play with other women and not have this underlying tone of being at each other’s throats.”

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Mr. Napoleon was a self-taught musician whose career began in earnest with the orchestra led by Chico Marx of the Marx Brothers.

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Imagine an elite professional services firm with a high-performing, workaholic culture. Everyone is expected to turn on a dime to serve a client, travel at a moment’s notice, and be available pretty much every evening and weekend. It can make for a grueling work life, but at the highest levels of accounting, law, investment banking and consulting firms, it is just the way things are.

Except for one dirty little secret: Some of the people ostensibly turning in those 80- or 90-hour workweeks, particularly men, may just be faking it.

Many of them were, at least, at one elite consulting firm studied by Erin Reid, a professor at Boston University’s Questrom School of Business. It’s impossible to know if what she learned at that unidentified consulting firm applies across the world of work more broadly. But her research, published in the academic journal Organization Science, offers a way to understand how the professional world differs between men and women, and some of the ways a hard-charging culture that emphasizes long hours above all can make some companies worse off.

Photo
 
Credit Peter Arkle

Ms. Reid interviewed more than 100 people in the American offices of a global consulting firm and had access to performance reviews and internal human resources documents. At the firm there was a strong culture around long hours and responding to clients promptly.

“When the client needs me to be somewhere, I just have to be there,” said one of the consultants Ms. Reid interviewed. “And if you can’t be there, it’s probably because you’ve got another client meeting at the same time. You know it’s tough to say I can’t be there because my son had a Cub Scout meeting.”

Some people fully embraced this culture and put in the long hours, and they tended to be top performers. Others openly pushed back against it, insisting upon lighter and more flexible work hours, or less travel; they were punished in their performance reviews.

The third group is most interesting. Some 31 percent of the men and 11 percent of the women whose records Ms. Reid examined managed to achieve the benefits of a more moderate work schedule without explicitly asking for it.

They made an effort to line up clients who were local, reducing the need for travel. When they skipped work to spend time with their children or spouse, they didn’t call attention to it. One team on which several members had small children agreed among themselves to cover for one another so that everyone could have more flexible hours.

A male junior manager described working to have repeat consulting engagements with a company near enough to his home that he could take care of it with day trips. “I try to head out by 5, get home at 5:30, have dinner, play with my daughter,” he said, adding that he generally kept weekend work down to two hours of catching up on email.

Despite the limited hours, he said: “I know what clients are expecting. So I deliver above that.” He received a high performance review and a promotion.

What is fascinating about the firm Ms. Reid studied is that these people, who in her terminology were “passing” as workaholics, received performance reviews that were as strong as their hyper-ambitious colleagues. For people who were good at faking it, there was no real damage done by their lighter workloads.

It calls to mind the episode of “Seinfeld” in which George Costanza leaves his car in the parking lot at Yankee Stadium, where he works, and gets a promotion because his boss sees the car and thinks he is getting to work earlier and staying later than anyone else. (The strategy goes awry for him, and is not recommended for any aspiring partners in a consulting firm.)

A second finding is that women, particularly those with young children, were much more likely to request greater flexibility through more formal means, such as returning from maternity leave with an explicitly reduced schedule. Men who requested a paternity leave seemed to be punished come review time, and so may have felt more need to take time to spend with their families through those unofficial methods.

The result of this is easy to see: Those specifically requesting a lighter workload, who were disproportionately women, suffered in their performance reviews; those who took a lighter workload more discreetly didn’t suffer. The maxim of “ask forgiveness, not permission” seemed to apply.

It would be dangerous to extrapolate too much from a study at one firm, but Ms. Reid said in an interview that since publishing a summary of her research in Harvard Business Review she has heard from people in a variety of industries describing the same dynamic.

High-octane professional service firms are that way for a reason, and no one would doubt that insane hours and lots of travel can be necessary if you’re a lawyer on the verge of a big trial, an accountant right before tax day or an investment banker advising on a huge merger.

But the fact that the consultants who quietly lightened their workload did just as well in their performance reviews as those who were truly working 80 or more hours a week suggests that in normal times, heavy workloads may be more about signaling devotion to a firm than really being more productive. The person working 80 hours isn’t necessarily serving clients any better than the person working 50.

In other words, maybe the real problem isn’t men faking greater devotion to their jobs. Maybe it’s that too many companies reward the wrong things, favoring the illusion of extraordinary effort over actual productivity.

How Some Men Fake an 80-Hour Workweek, and Why It Matters

UNITED NATIONS — Wearing pinstripes and a pince-nez, Staffan de Mistura, the United Nations envoy for Syria, arrived at the Security Council one Tuesday afternoon in February and announced that President Bashar al-Assad had agreed to halt airstrikes over Aleppo. Would the rebels, Mr. de Mistura suggested, agree to halt their shelling?

What he did not announce, but everyone knew by then, was that the Assad government had begun a military offensive to encircle opposition-held enclaves in Aleppo and that fierce fighting was underway. It would take only a few days for rebel leaders, having pushed back Syrian government forces, to outright reject Mr. de Mistura’s proposed freeze in the fighting, dooming the latest diplomatic overture on Syria.

Diplomacy is often about appearing to be doing something until the time is ripe for a deal to be done.

 

 

Now, with Mr. Assad’s forces having suffered a string of losses on the battlefield and the United States reaching at least a partial rapprochement with Mr. Assad’s main backer, Iran, Mr. de Mistura is changing course. Starting Monday, he is set to hold a series of closed talks in Geneva with the warring sides and their main supporters. Iran will be among them.

In an interview at United Nations headquarters last week, Mr. de Mistura hinted that the changing circumstances, both military and diplomatic, may have prompted various backers of the war to question how much longer the bloodshed could go on.

“Will that have an impact in accelerating the willingness for a political solution? We need to test it,” he said. “The Geneva consultations may be a good umbrella for testing that. It’s an occasion for asking everyone, including the government, if there is any new way that they are looking at a political solution, as they too claim they want.”

He said he would have a better assessment at the end of June, when he expects to wrap up his consultations. That coincides with the deadline for a final agreement in the Iran nuclear talks.

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Whether a nuclear deal with Iran will pave the way for a new opening on peace talks in Syria remains to be seen. Increasingly, though, world leaders are explicitly linking the two, with the European Union’s top diplomat, Federica Mogherini, suggesting last week that a nuclear agreement could spur Tehran to play “a major but positive role in Syria.”

It could hardly come soon enough. Now in its fifth year, the Syrian war has claimed 220,000 lives, prompted an exodus of more than three million refugees and unleashed jihadist groups across the region. “This conflict is producing a question mark in many — where is it leading and whether this can be sustained,” Mr. de Mistura said.

Part Italian, part Swedish, Mr. de Mistura has worked with the United Nations for more than 40 years, but he is more widely known for his dapper style than for any diplomatic coups. Syria is by far the toughest assignment of his career — indeed, two of the organization’s most seasoned diplomats, Lakhdar Brahimi and Kofi Annan, tried to do the job and gave up — and critics have wondered aloud whether Mr. de Mistura is up to the task.

He served as a United Nations envoy in Afghanistan and Iraq, and before that in Lebanon, where a former minister recalled, with some scorn, that he spent many hours sunbathing at a private club in the hills above Beirut. Those who know him say he has a taste for fine suits and can sometimes speak too soon and too much, just as they point to his diplomatic missteps and hyperbole.

They cite, for instance, a news conference in October, when he raised the specter of Srebrenica, where thousands of Muslims were massacred in 1995 during the Balkans war, in warning that the Syrian border town of Kobani could fall to the Islamic State. In February, he was photographed at a party in Damascus, the Syrian capital, celebrating the anniversary of the Iranian revolution just as Syrian forces, aided by Iran, were pummeling rebel-held suburbs of Damascus; critics seized on that as evidence of his coziness with the government.

Mouin Rabbani, who served briefly as the head of Mr. de Mistura’s political affairs unit and has since emerged as one of his most outspoken critics, said Mr. de Mistura did not have the background necessary for the job. “This isn’t someone well known for his political vision or political imagination, and his closest confidants lack the requisite knowledge and experience,” Mr. Rabbani said.

As a deputy foreign minister in the Italian government, Mr. de Mistura was tasked in 2012 with freeing two Italian marines detained in India for shooting at Indian fishermen. He made 19 trips to India, to little effect. One marine was allowed to return to Italy for medical reasons; the other remains in India.

He said he initially turned down the Syria job when the United Nations secretary general approached him last August, only to change his mind the next day, after a sleepless, guilt-ridden night.

Mr. de Mistura compared his role in Syria to that of a doctor faced with a terminally ill patient. His goal in brokering a freeze in the fighting, he said, was to alleviate suffering. He settled on Aleppo as the location for its “fame,” he said, a decision that some questioned, considering that Aleppo was far trickier than the many other lesser-known towns where activists had negotiated temporary local cease-fires.

“Everybody, at least in Europe, are very familiar with the value of Aleppo,” Mr. de Mistura said. “So I was using that as an icebreaker.”

The cease-fire negotiations, to which he had devoted six months, fell apart quickly because of the government’s military offensive in Aleppo the very day of his announcement at the Security Council. Privately, United Nations diplomats said Mr. de Mistura had been manipulated. To this, Mr. de Mistura said only that he was “disappointed and concerned.”

Tarek Fares, a former rebel fighter, said after a recent visit to Aleppo that no Syrian would admit publicly to supporting Mr. de Mistura’s cease-fire proposal. “If anyone said they went to a de Mistura meeting in Gaziantep, they would be arrested,” is how he put it, referring to the Turkish city where negotiations between the two sides were held.

Secretary General Ban Ki-moon remains staunchly behind Mr. de Mistura’s efforts. His defenders point out that he is at the center of one of the world’s toughest diplomatic problems, charged with mediating a conflict in which two of the world’s most powerful nations — Russia, which supports Mr. Assad, and the United States, which has called for his ouster — remain deadlocked.

R. Nicholas Burns, a former State Department official who now teaches at Harvard, credited Mr. de Mistura for trying to negotiate a cease-fire even when the chances of success were exceedingly small — and the chances of a political deal even smaller. For his efforts to work, Professor Burns argued, the world powers will first have to come to an agreement of their own.

“He needs the help of outside powers,” he said. “It starts with backers of Assad. That’s Russia and Iran. De Mistura is there, waiting.”

With Iran Talks, a Tangled Path to Ending Syria’s War

Pronovost, who played for the Red Wings, was not a prolific scorer, but he was a consummate team player with bruising checks and fearless bursts up the ice that could puncture a defense.

Marcel Pronovost, 84, Dies; Hall of Famer Shared in Five N.H.L. Titles

With 12 tournament victories in his career, Mr. Peete was the most successful black professional golfer before Tiger Woods.

Calvin Peete, 71, a Racial Pioneer on the PGA Tour, Is Dead

Ms. Rendell was a prolific writer of intricately plotted mystery novels that combined psychological insight, social conscience and teeth-chattering terror.

Ruth Rendell, Novelist Who Thrilled and Educated, Dies at 85

Ms. von Furstenberg made her debut in the movies and on the Broadway stage in the early 1950s as a teenager and later reinvented herself as a television actress, writer and philanthropist.

Betsy von Furstenberg, Baroness and Versatile Actress, Dies at 83

Ms. Meadows was the older sister of Audrey Meadows, who played Alice Kramden on “The Honeymooners.”

Jayne Meadows, Actress and Steve Allen’s Wife and Co-Star, Dies at 95
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